Nothing Special
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry is jealous of the attention Monogram is giving to a more polite and responsible agent, and finds it unfair that he is no longer the center of the Major's attention. Meanwhile, Dennis the rabbit works on a ray to destroy the agency and everyone working there.
1. Chapter 1

"PICK YOUR DINOSAUR."

Phineas and Ferb were sitting together in a chair in front of the computer, playing Dinovillage 63. Perry was trying to sleep under the chair.

Ferb was looking through all of the dinosaurs. The computer said a dinosaur's name as Ferb hovered his mouse over each.

"BRONTOSAURUS. STEGOSAURUS. PTERODACTYL. MAIASAURUS."

"Guys, could you turn that DOWN?" Candace shouted. "I'm trying to call Jeremy! This phone call is officially going to be the one-thousandth time I have called him, and it has to be PERFECT!"

"You've counted how many times you've called Jeremy?" Phineas asked.

"T-REX." Said the computer.

"Of course!" Candace retorted, holding up a piece of paper with a bunch of numbers scribbled on it in pink pen.

"STEGOSAURUS." Said the computer. Ferb moved his mouse off of the stegosaurus and then moved it back. "STEGOSAURUS."

"Do they have a platysaurus?" Perry chattered. "Or a wormasaurus?"

"Squish-a-licious worms." Ferb said cheerfully.

"EW." Phineas and Candace said in unison.

"STEGOSAURUS." Said the computer.

"Hurry up and pick your dinosaur!" Candace snapped. "I'm dialing Jeremy's number RIGHT now!"

"STEGOSAURUS. STEGOSAURUS."

"Ferb, you have to click on i-" Phineas began.

"I know." Ferb said.

Perry chewed on the chair leg.

"Hi, Jeremy." Candace said into the phone.

"STEG-STEG-STEG-STEG-STEGOSAURUS." The computer said. Ferb was rapidly moving his mouse across the stegosaurus's picture.

"No, no reason! I just felt like calling you!"

"STEGSTEGSTEGSTEGSTEGSTEGSTEG…"

"FERB! CUT IT OUT!" Candace snapped. "YOU'RE RUINING MY ONE-THOUSANDTH CALL TO JEREMY!"

Ferb stopped moving the mouse. "STEGOSAURUS."

"Pick the pterodactyl." Phineas said. "He has lots of dino power. And you already bought him a beanie hat."

Ferb nodded.

"PTERODACTYL."

* * *

Perry was reading a book.

"Hey." Pinky the Chihuahua said from behind.

Startled, Perry whirled around and punched Pinky in the face. Pinky fell down.

"Oh man. Are you okay?" Perry jumped out of his chair and went to help Pinky up.

"What was that for?" Pinky spat.

"Word of advice: Never sneak up on me when I'm concentrating on something else. Actually, that's eleven words of advice. But if you want to get technical-"

"Don't need to know the statistics." Pinky stood up and brushed himself off. "I just needed to borrow a pen."

"You can get one down at the store for two dollars." Perry said.

"Perry…"

Perry sighed. "Fine." He tossed Pinky a pen. "What's it for?"

"Manfred Freeny needs me to sign his petition for a new toilet in the bathroom."

Perry rolled his eyes. "Children everywhere are starving, the ice caps are melting, and yet Freeny is concerned with buying a new toilet."

"He says the old one is a little cracked and needs to be repaired in order to keep the O.W.C.A cleaner."

"A _little_ cracked? He's not talking about the toilet in the BACK of the agency, is he?"

"That's the one."

"Marvin the MOUSE sat on that toilet last week and it COLLAPSED!"

"Which is why I figured it'd do some good to sign his petition." Pinky said.

"I've never seen Freeny around. What animal is he again?"

Pinky shrugged. "Some rodent thing. But he is very nice. He's got perfect manners. And he's a really good fighter."  
"Good for him." Perry turned the page of his book.

"I'll be right back."

"For heaven's sake, don't give me an update on every second of your life! Every time the guy in the book is about to get goop thrown on his head, you talk and I lose my place!"

"I do hope I'm not disturbing anything." Said a deep voice. A long, thin cream-colored rodent entered Perry's lair.

"I really need to put a lock on that door." Perry muttered.

"I'm so sorry to barge in like this." The rodent said.

"Thanks so much for apologizing. Now get out." Perry said.

"Perry, this is Manfred." Pinky said. "Manfred, that's Perry."

"It's very nice to meet you." Manfred said, holding out his hand.

"A lot of people don't have the same opinion as you on that subject." Perry snapped.

"Sorry, Manfred." Pinky said. "He's extra cranky today."

"Oh dear. I hope nothing's the matter." Manfred said kindly.

"No, being cranky's just my favorite pastime." Perry turned back to his book.

"I hope it's not any trouble to sign my petition." Manfred said, holding out a clipboard to Pinky.

Pinky signed his name at the bottom.

"Thank you so very much." Manfred said. "It's really a shame that the O.W.C.A can't have nice toilets. Thank you so, so much for helping."

"He's acting like you just donated a vital organ." Perry grumbled.

"If it's not too much trouble, perhaps you two can help me present the petition to Mr. Major Monogram."

"It's Major Monogram." Perry said. "His last name is Monogram. Major's not part of his name. It's his title. No Mr."

"Francis Monogram." Pinky said. "With an I. And sure, I'll present it with you, if you want."

"That's so very kind of you." Manfred said. "Thank you so much!"

"You guys have fun." Perry said, not looking at either of them.

"Thank you. It was an honor to meet you, Perry. I hear so many good things about you." Manfred gave Perry a nod.

Perry didn't know how to respond, so he just kept silent.

"I'll see you at three-o-clock." Manfred told Pinky. "Goodbye!"

After he left, Pinky gave Perry his pen back. "Isn't he nice?"

"TOO nice. Too annoyingly polite. I hate people like that. It's like they're robots, programmed to be perfect."

"Well, his annoying politeness was certainly a lot more pleasant than your rudeness."

"Look, Pinky. I was separated from my parents when I was a day old, trained by a nutjob eagle who nearly killed me, and have gone through countless scarring experiences. Excuse me if I don't feel like talking about unicorns and rainbows."

"You could have at least ACTED nicer to Manfred. It wouldn't have killed you."

Perry replied with a carefully chosen word.

"All right, all right! I get it. I shouldn't bug you when you're trying to read. Sorry." Pinky backed away from Perry's chair.

* * *

Monogram stood at the front of the room, handing out awards to agents.

Perry was sitting in the back, absorbed in his book.

Pinky tapped on him. "Not meaning to provoke you or anything, but… what if he calls you and you don't hear him because you're reading?"

"He'll call me again. And again. You know Monogram."

"And the award for most improved goes to… Ned the narwhal!" Monogram said.

A baby narwhal hopped over to the podium, nearly poking Monogram with his horn in his excitement. Monogram handed him a trophy.

"Yeaaayy!" Ned said happily. He hopped back to his seat.

"And the award for most reserved goes to… Doris the wolf!" Monogram said.

A bored-looking wolf stood up and made her way to the podium.

Devon the dog poked Perry. "That's weird. You usually win that one."

Perry shrugged. "Doris probably was just a tad more reserved than I was this year. What's all the fuss?"

"There are still a few more awards." Pinky said, looking at the program. "Maybe I'll win something."


	2. Chapter 2

"I can't believe I didn't win ANYTHING!" Perry said as he, Pinky and Devon left the main room. "I ALWAYS win something! I won 'Most Improved' when I was Ned's age, 'Best Fighter' when I was two, and I have always won 'Most Reserved' since the age of three. Not to mention 'Most Successful'. WHY didn't I win SOMETHING?"

"You don't need to win something to know you're great." Pinky said.

"Yeah, but it's nice to win." Perry grumbled. "Apparently all those agents that won are better than great. I used to be one of them."

"You still are!" Devon assured him. "You're a really great agent!"

Perry sighed.

They came to the agency's kitchen. Perry stuck a bagel in the toaster.

"Oh, hello!" Manfred said, entering through the other door. "Perry and Pinky and Devon!"

"Oh my." Perry added under his breath.

"Hello, Manfred." Devon said.

"I'm so happy for you two!" Manfred said. "Winning those awards."

"Thanks." Pinky and Devon said in unison.

"I'm toasting myself a bagel." Perry announced to no one in particular.

"I must admit, I was shocked to win an award myself." Manfred said. "It was a really nice surprise."

"What did you win?" Perry asked, in spite of himself. "The Perfect Award?"

Pinky nudged him in the side, but Manfred laughed. "Oh, he's funny! Weren't you at the ceremony?"

"Yeah." Perry took his bagel out of the toaster and smeared some cream cheese on it.

"Well, then you probably already know that I won 'Best Plot Foiling'."

Perry's expression darkened. He had won that award annually since his first year at the agency.

"It's really hard to get that one." Manfred added. "Your villain has to nominate you, and then-"

"I know, Freeny." Perry interrupted. "I've won it every year."

"Oh." Manfred said. He seemed to understand the situation, and gave Perry a look of pity.

It only made Perry angrier. He turned away from Manfred and bit into his bagel.

"I'm sure you'll win something next year." Manfred assured him.

Monogram came into the kitchen. "Hello, agents."

The agents all saluted him.

Monogram gave Perry a disapproving look. "Agent P, why aren't you using the low-fat cream cheese?"

Perry took an extra-large bite from his bagel.

Monogram shook his head. "We've talked about this. You're getting a little too plump. I don't want you to have weight problems."

Perry sulked.

"Enough with the attitude." Monogram said. "You've been very cranky lately. You need to snap out of it. Hello, Agent M! I expect you're back from helping Carl file papers?"

Manfred nodded.

"Wonderful. Listen, I need your help with something. Would you mind coming with me for a few minutes?"

Manfred followed Monogram out of the kitchen.

"Hey Perry, you're fat." Perry mimicked. "Manfred, you're awesome at filing papers. Now come and do important stuff that Perry's too fat to help with."

"He didn't say you were fat." Pinky said. "He just said you were getting a little plump."

"I like that word." Devon said. "Plump. Plump. Plump. Plump."

Perry glared at him, and he fell silent.

"I'm sorry you didn't win anything." Pinky said.

"It's not just that." Perry sighed.

"What else is bugging you?"

Perry didn't respond. Truthfully, he was a little envious of Manfred's growing relationship with Monogram. Perry knew he didn't always do things Monogram liked, but at least he knew he was Monogram's favorite.

But was the favorite Manfred now?

* * *

"Perry's home!" Phineas said happily when Perry came in through the pet flap.

"I hate everything." Perry growled.

"Hello to you, too!" Ferb said.

"Aww, what's wrong?" Phineas picked him up and cuddled him.

"Nothing." Perry mumbled. "I'm just not the best anymore."

"What? Of course you're the best!" Phineas exclaimed. "You're the best pet in the whole world!"

"And apparently I'm fat."

"You are a little chubby." Ferb said.

Phineas kicked him.

"I'm kidding!" Ferb insisted.

"Maybe he was just testing to see if you were alive." Perry said.

"You are not fat." Phineas said. "You're perfect."

Perry snorted.

"I'm serious." Phineas said. "You just had a hard day, that's all."

"Doofenshmirtz forgot to nominate me for 'Best Plot Foiling'." Perry explained. "He claimed that the mailman went on strike and he didn't get the application until it was too late."

"The mailman DID go on strike last week." Phineas said. "We missed Great Aunt Lydia's funeral because we didn't even know she died until yesterday."

"Who IS Great Aunt Lydia, anyway?" Ferb asked.

"I have no idea." Phineas said. "Wasn't mom related to her?"

"I thought she was related to father."

Phineas took a letter from the kitchen table and looked at it. "OOOOHHH. This was supposed to go to our NEIGHBOR'S house. Hope they weren't too close to their Great Aunt Lydia, 'cause now they're REALLY late to her funeral."

"That's not cheering me up." Perry said.

"I'm sure she was a cranky old bat and they don't care about missing it." Ferb said. "Does that make you feel better?"

Perry smiled. "Sorta."

Phineas gave him a hug. "You're the best pet in the world. No matter what anyone else says."

"Shh." Ferb said. "Bubbles might be listening."

"For your information, our goldfish is named Blubbles!"

"Bubbles!"

"Blubbles!"

"BUBBLES!"

"BLUBBLES!"

Perry had heard this argument enough times to know that it didn't really have an end. He squirmed out of Phineas's grasp and jumped down.

The boys were completely oblivious to him leaving as they continued to shout at each other.

"BOYS! KEEP IT DOWN!" Linda called from upstairs. "I'M TRYING TO WATCH A DOCUMENTARY ON LINT!"

* * *

Perry and Otis the owl kept fighting, despite Pinky's pleas for them to separate.

"Otis! Cut it out!" Pinky shouted. "Perry! He didn't even DO anything to you!"

"Jerk!" Perry shouted.  
"Meanie!" Otis responded.

"Oh dear." Manfred said, watching them. "I'll go get Monogram."

All of the other agents seemed interested in the fight, save for Ned the narwhal, who was busy looking at a dandelion and hadn't actually noticed the huge event going on a foot away from him.

"Get him, Perry!" Shouted a fox.

"GO OTIS!" Yelled a cow.

"SAVE THE PANDAS!" Screamed Peter, waving his favorite panda bumper sticker with teal fluff on the sticky side.

"CUT! IT! OUT!"

Perry and Otis froze. Otis was still gripping Perry by the neck, and Perry was still holding onto Otis's head.

"Let go of each other." Monogram growled. "I am very disappointed in BOTH of you."

Perry narrowed his eyes. Manfred was standing by Monogram's side, looking a little uncomfortable.

Perry slowly released Otis. Otis loosened his grip and allowed Perry to slide out.

"Did I missilie sometins?" Asked baby Ned, who had only just looked up from his dandelion.

"Agent P, this is the seventh fight you've gotten into this year." Monogram said.

"It's his fault!" Perry pointed at Otis.

"You were the one who punched me!" Otis snapped.

"You DESERVED it!"

"BOTH of you. Stop." Monogram handed Otis a handkerchief. "Cheese and crackers, Agent P, you made him bleed."

Perry pointed at his own arm, which was a little cut.

"I'll meet you in your lair to deal with you." Monogram said. "Agent O, come with me. We'll get you cleaned up."

Perry hesitated.

"NOW, Agent P."

Perry sighed and stood up. He shamefully walked toward the door, growling at Manfred as he passed by.

"What's gotten into you?" Monogram demanded.

Perry didn't look at him.

* * *

"Agent P, I don't understand the way you've been behaving lately." Monogram said. "I feel like we need to have a talk."

"Of course, you'll do most of the talking." Perry muttered. "Since you can't understand a word I'm saying."

"Now, Perry. What's bothering you?"

"Manfred's annoying and I hate him. Otis is a big jerkface. I wish you would wear a polka-dot outfit sometimes."

"Can you write down what's bothering you? Or draw a picture? Why did you fight with Otis?"

Perry sighed. He pulled out a pen and drew a picture. He handed it to Monogram.

"Hm… it looks like… Otis is standing with some other agents… you're walking by… Otis is pointing at something, I can't tell what it is…"

"It isn't anything." Perry grumbled. "He's not pointing at anything."

"Agent P, I don't understand. Please tell me what's bothering you."

Perry scowled at the floor.

"Do I need to send you to the agency psychiatrist?"

Perry glared at him.

"Well, whatever the problem is, you need to realize it and figure out how to fix it. I can't have you beating up all the agents. And you really need to lose that bad attitude. You've been very disrespectful these past few days."  
Perry's eyes started to water. He turned his back so Monogram couldn't see.

"May I make a suggestion?" Monogram said, in a kinder tone of voice. "Maybe you can try hanging around the O.W.C.A orchestra any time you feel anger. I know music always used to soothe you when you were a baby."

"He remembers. How sweet." Perry spat.

"And maybe I can take you to my house for dinner this weekend. We can talk things out more then, okay?"

Perry nodded slowly. He wondered if Monogram ever took Manfred home with him.

"Good." Monogram held out his hand, and Perry grasped onto his finger. Monogram led him down the hall and into a small theater.

A penguin in a fedora and tuxedo was conducting a small group of animals on instruments. It kind of sounded like 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' mixed with the Flea Waltz.

The penguin turned and looked at them.

"Perry just needs something to listen to to calm him down." Monogram explained. "I hope it's not too much of a bother, Paulo."

The penguin shrugged and continued conducting his noise.

"Leave when you feel like you want to." Monogram said. Perry stood up.

"Stay at least fifteen minutes." Monogram corrected himself.


	3. Chapter 3

"What the heck is this horrible racket called?" Perry demanded once Monogram had left.

"It's called music." Paulo replied.

"No, that's called 'noise'." Perry said. "Or maybe 'cacophony', I can't tell which."

The penguin glared at him. "Look, beaverduck. I've been conducting the O.W.C.A orchestra since before you were hatched. I know more about music than anyone here."

Perry smirked. "Sure you do."

"Of course I do. I know more about it than you can ever learn in your lifetime."

"Saucy Penguin."

Paulo stuck out his tongue at Perry. He waved his arms, and the tuba began to play.

Or rather, blare. Perry cringed. "So this is where those strange noises are coming from."

"Got any suggestions?" Paulo snapped.

"Yeah. Tune that guy's violin, slow down the tuba's part, and cut down the tambourine's part."

"Hmph."

"All right. I guess you like sounding like a breaking-down car. Just please tell me you're never doing this live."

"We aren't ready yet."

"That's for sure."

"You can either listen, or get out." Saucy Penguin said.

"I would love to listen, really, but I value my eardrums. Besides, I can't hear the music over all that noise."

"Are you done with your smart remarks?" Saucy Penguin asked.

"Not really. Is that sound coming from the tuba, or do you have a hippo dying behind that curtain?"

Saucy Penguin rolled his eyes.

* * *

Monogram opened the door and let Perry in. "I'm sorry, I forgot we were staying at the beach house this weekend. The ocean air should do you some good, though. And even so, it's only for dinner. Then you can go back home after we chat."

Perry wandered into the room. The lights were very dim. A leather sofa was propped against the wall, facing a large television. There were shells on the bookshelves. A wall decoration hung over the computer desk. LUV THE SEA was printed on it.

Almost instantly, Mrs. Monogram ran down the stairs to greet them, closely followed by Monogram's daughter. She was holding a Carlos doll.

Perry was about to growl at it, but stopped himself.

"Agent P, this is my wife. And this is my daughter, Molly." Monogram said.

"Duck!" Molly said happily.

"No, sweetie. This is a platypus. You remember Perry, don't you? He stayed with us once."

Molly sucked her thumb.

"Hello!" Mrs. Monogram said, holding out her hand for Perry to shake. Perry shook her thumb instead. "It's so nice to meet you. Monty, your father brought over one of his agents for dinner. Come say hi."

"Who?" Monty called from upstairs.

"Perry the platypus."

"Oh. I know him. I'm heading out to the beach."

"No, Monty. You'll miss dinner!" Mrs. Monogram called back.

"Okay. I'll be back before nine." A door slammed.

Perry snorted.

"He sneezed!" Molly said, laughing.

"Come on upstairs, Agent P." Monogram said. "Dinner's almost ready."

* * *

There were large windows upstairs, so the room was a lot brighter than downstairs. Perry was able to look out at the beach while they ate. At one point he thought he saw Monty swimming in the ocean.

"He's so cute." Mrs. Monogram gushed. "Look at those eyes. They're so beautiful."

Perry blushed and tried to concentrate on his spaghetti.

"He does have a good appearance." Monogram admitted. "A top-notch fighter, too. Best in his field."

"This little guy?" Mrs. Monogram said. "Impossible."

"I'm telling you, he's amazing. Can't judge an animal by its cover. Take Manfred, for example. I've personally trained that critter since he was a baby. Perfect handwriting, incredibly polite AND an excellent fighter."

"I like Manfred." Molly announced. "He came here once, right, daddy?"

Monogram smiled and nodded.

Perry gave his meatball an extra-hard stab with his fork. He stuffed it in his mouth whole.

"Slow down, Perry." Monogram said. "You don't want to choke."

"Guess what happened when I went to play with Natasha last week?" Molly said.

Perry tried to spear his next meatball. It rolled away.

"We were watching Ducky Momo, and then Natasha's older brother walked in, and he had a big stuffed bunny…"

Perry wasn't listening to Molly's story. He stabbed furiously at his meatball, which continued to roll innocently away from the fork.

"…and he said Ducky Momo was stupid. Then Natasha stood up and kicked his toy bunny across the room and said, 'Listen, Roscoe! I don't care if Ducky Momo is dumber than anything! You are dumber than Ducky Momo!"

Perry put both hands around his fork and stabbed downward at the meatball. Still no success. Monogram and Mrs. Monogram started to laugh.

Molly, believing that their laughter was caused by her story, started over-dramatizing it. "And then he said, 'Oh yeah? Well, I bet Ducky Momo is dumber than dumb!' and she said, 'No, because YOU are dumb!' and then she called him underwear! Ha!"

Perry got up on the table and held the meatball down. He tried to stab it again. It slipped out of his fingers.

Monogram and Mrs. Monogram were in hysterics.

"And… and…" Molly said, trying to think of something even funnier to say. "And then she called him underwear UNDERPANTS! And then underpants head!"

Perry finally got his meatball on his fork and stuck it in his mouth. When he had swallowed it, he got back into his seat and looked up at his dinner company.

Molly had apparently finished her tale. It was a shame he hadn't heard it, because it seemed to have been funny enough to make Monogram slam his head against the table in laughter.

* * *

"Maybe we should have a talk now." Monogram said.

Perry was lying on the upstairs couch. His head was throbbing. He hoped it just meant he hadn't drunk enough water.

Monogram sat down next to him. "You're a very good agent, Perry. But you still have some problems controlling your anger. If you figure out what is bothering you, it will be easier for me to help."

Perry shut his eyes.

"Agent P?" Monogram asked. "Are you all right?"

Perry shook his head.

"Does your stomach hurt?"

Perry made no reply.

"Your head? Do you have a headache?"

Perry nodded.

Monogram placed a hand on his forehead. "Hm. You are a little warm. Maybe I should take you back home."

"Honey, there's road construction." Mrs. Monogram said, coming into the room. "I'm afraid we won't be able to go any father than the beach or the shops until they're done. They started on it a couple of hours ago."

"What? What construction?"

"Some people are trying to get into the book of World's Most Pointless Records. They're trying to win 'Largest hole in the middle of the street to the beach houses'."

"Oh no. I won't be able to get to work tomorrow! And Agent P… he's not feeling well, and I can't get him back home…" Monogram pulled out his cell phone. "Maybe I can get him a hotel."

"Of course not!" Mrs. Monogram said. "He should stay here. He needs someone to take care of him."

"He's perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Besides, we'll drive him crazy."

"He needs rest." Mrs. Monogram said. "And no one wants to be alone when they're sick. He can have the guest room downstairs."

Monogram didn't look happy, but he put his cell phone away and picked Perry up. He carried Perry downstairs.

* * *

The guest room had two large beds. Monogram placed Perry in the one closest to the door.

Perry felt a little better being in a bed. He pulled the blanket tightly over himself.

"I'll check on you in the morning." Monogram said. "I hope you feel better."

He closed the door, and Perry lay awake for a while, his head still pounding.

He took out his cell phone and texted Phineas. He hoped no one else had access to Phineas's phone. Just in case, he used a code that the boys had created a few weeks ago, along with a few other sentences he hoped would make sense.

**_Text To: Phineas Flynn_**

_PHINNY,_

_THE TUNNEL TO CHINA WAS AMAZING, AND NOW PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO IMITATE IT. SUCH TRAFFIC NOW. WHAT TIME ARE WE HAVING DINNER AGAIN? DON'T BE CONCERNED. WITH THE M. MAKE STORIES ABOUT ME IF ANYONE WANTS TO HEAR THEM. LOVE YA._

_BARTHOLOMEW_

Perry sent the message. Hopefully Phineas would understand.

* * *

"Look, Ferb." Phineas said. "I got a text from Perry."

Ferb sat up and climbed out of bed. He sat down next to Phineas.

"I'm glad. Usually he gets home before now." Phineas looked at the text. "Okay, tunnel to China… traffic… Oh! Some people must be drilling a hole in the road. What time are we having… so, he can't get home right away. And then it says 'don't be concerned'. He's with Monogram. Oh, and if someone in the family asks where he is, we have to cover for him. I hope he's okay."

"He said not to be concerned." Ferb said. "Perhaps the giant hole in the road is preventing him from coming home."

"Oh." Phineas said. "I hope they bury it soon, then."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Carl, but there's just no way for me to get into work." Monogram said, pressing a cold washcloth to Perry's head. "Can you PLEASE call Wanda and ask if she can give missions to my agents today? And get Sergei to fill in for Agent P. Not only can't he actually get to the agency, but he's barely conscious. Horrible fever."

"Look at the pretty rainbow bubbles." Perry murmured. So many bubbles were floating in the air above him. Or was that just the water in his eyes?

"I can't even get a vet down here. I don't have anything I can give him. Poor thing had a coughing fit last night and could hardly breathe. I don't know how he got sick- NO, Carl. It was NOT because of my wife's cooking."

Perry squirmed, trying to get himself warmer underneath the blanket. His face and head were drenched with sweat, but the rest of his body was ice cold. He shivered.

"Tonight she's making tacos!" Monogram said cheerfully. "Mmm. Can't wait. Anyway, I need you to get that taken care of. And don't forget that Manfred can help you out. He knows a lot about the agency and locking up and all that."

"Because Manfred is VERY important." Perry mocked drowsily. "He's the hero to bathrooms everywhere."

"Shh." Monogram said, dabbing his face and neck with the washcloth. "Try to sleep." He turned his attention back to the phone. "Poor Agent P. I wish there was something I could do for him. I hate seeing him like this. He's so weak."

"Gee, thanks." Perry mumbled.

"Of course! Agent C. Chase the cat. Didn't he live down in Danville Alley, though? I'm not sure he can get any medicine down here."

Horrible as he felt, Perry couldn't help feeling happiness at Monogram fussing over him. It was the kind of attention he had needed multiple times and hadn't had since he was a helpless baby. It reassured him that he was still his major's favorite.

At least, he hoped he still was.

Perry rested his head against Monogram's knee. Monogram stroked him gently and continued to burden Carl with his problems.


	4. Chapter 4

"I miss Perry." Pinky said. "I heard he and Monogram are stuck at Danville Beach."

"That's a fun place to be stuck at." Devon said.

"Not for Perry. He's sick."

"Aw."

Otis the owl came and sat down next to them on the agency couch. "Hey, guys. My eye's feeling better today."

"I'm sorry Perry beat you up." Devon said. "Did it hurt?"

"Yeah."

"What happened, anyway?" Devon asked.

"It was just a joke." Otis muttered.

Pinky explained. "Perry and I were walking past Otis and a few of his friends. Otis called to Perry and pointed at something. He was smiling like the thing he was pointing at was funny, but he wasn't actually pointing at anything."

"What?" Devon said.

"I pointed in a random direction like there was something funny there." Otis explained. "And Perry looked confused for a second, because he didn't see anything. But I guess he didn't want to look like an idiot by asking what I was pointing at, so he just nodded and smiled."

"And then Otis started laughing and said, 'He actually thought there was something there!' That was when Perry realized the whole thing WAS a joke, and he jumped on Otis and started beating him up."

"So he made himself look stupid by trying not to look stupid."

"No, I made him look stupid." Otis said sadly. "I even told him I was sorry- while he was punching me- but he just said 'There's no sorry' so I started fighting him back. I really do feel bad now, though. Especially about getting him in trouble."

* * *

Perry opened his eyes.

It took him a moment to realize why the ceiling wasn't bordered with cloud wallpaper.

He pulled his covers around himself more tightly. He wished he was home. He missed his family.

Monogram came through the guest room door. "Good, you're awake. You slept for about twenty-four hours. I was starting to get a little worried. Did all that rest do you good?"

Perry tried to sit up and failed.

"You're probably weak from hunger." Monogram said. "Don't worry. My wife's making you some soup. How do you feel?"

Perry shrugged.

"Head all better?"

Perry shook his head.

"You'll probably feel better once we get some food in you. You haven't eaten for a while."

Perry pointed across the room. It took a huge effort just to lift up his arm.

"What is it?" Monogram asked. "Oh, you want the crayons?"

Perry nodded.

Monogram took crayons and paper from the shelf and gave them to Perry. Perry smiled and set the objects in his lap.

Monogram waited.

Perry wrote "food" on the corner of a paper.

"Right. I'll let her know you're hungry." Monogram stood up and left the room.

Once he was gone, Perry began to draw. He liked drawing, but it was hard for him to do so when people were looking.

He had just started shading his drawings with the crayons when Monogram re-entered the room, followed by Mrs. Monogram. Perry hid his drawing under the covers.

Mrs. Monogram bent down next to the bed and held out a spoon. Perry cautiously sniffed it.

"It's vegetable soup." Mrs. Monogram explained kindly.

Perry reached for the bowl she was holding. Mrs. Monogram placed it in his hands and gave him the spoon.

* * *

Perry was lying awake in bed when he heard the door slowly creak open.

Attentive, he sat up, trying to see what was coming in the darkness. Luckily, it was at the front of the room, so he was able to see it easily.

It was a baby pigeon. It hopped across the room and fluttered onto his bed.

"Your name is Perry, yes?" It asked.

"Yep."

"Free me." It said. "There is a paper tied to my foot, and I can't get it off."

Perry looked down at the pigeon's foot. It looked like a letter was attached.

"Are you a carrier pigeon?"

"My name is Petie pigeon. And I can't get the paper off. Can you help me? They said to find Perry. You must be the one who frees the pigeons."

Perry untied the letter and took it from Petie.

"Thank you." Petie said. "You have freed me. One day I will be able to repay you for this kindness. I am free." Petie flew out of the room. Perry heard the back door open and close.

Perry propped up a novel and hid his letter in the pages. He took out a booklight and started to read it.

It was from Phineas, mostly saying that he missed Perry and wanted him to come back home. At the very bottom of the paper, Ferb had written a large paragraph on the same subject.

The door swung open. Perry quickly stuffed his letter under the covers and pretended to be absorbed in the novel.

"Perry, enough reading." Monogram said. "Your body needs to rest."

Perry gave him a pleading look.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, but you still need a little more sleep." Monogram took his book and set it down on the bedside table. "If you feel well enough to get up tomorrow, I'll take you to the beach for some fresh air. That sound good?"

"DAD!" Monty called from another room. "The computer isn't working!"

"What happened?"

"Molly stuck baloney in the laptop's disc slot! Now all that comes up is an advertisement for cows and pigs!"

Monogram sighed. "Anyway, try to get some sleep." He awkwardly tucked Perry in and switched off the booklight over the novel.

Perry lay awake for a little longer. He was getting a very tight feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it wasn't from his illness.

His instincts were trying to tell him something.

* * *

Perry woke up and fell back asleep four times during the night, and each time, he had the same dream.

The dream was a little strange. In it, two Manfred Freenys were apparently engaged in a battle to the death. They both looked like Manfred, but neither one acted like him. One was shouting bitter insults, while the other smiled evilly.

A giant raygun was slowly growing behind the two Manfreds. Two cloaked figures watched it as it rose. Dennis, a rogue rabbit, was standing on a platform, smiling.

"At last, the O.W.C.A will fall!" Dennis said. "I never thought that I would have to use an entirely different species to help me destroy it, one that I hate, but it is no matter." He looked toward where Perry was standing. "Incredible, isn't it? It took all the energy its creators had. It took a lot of toil on us rogues. But it is almost complete. Now that we have everything we need."

"I'm going to KILL you!" Perry shouted.

Dennis only smiled. "The ray will get you first. It has been programmed that way. And now you shall witness its power!"

Dennis pointed at one of the cloaked beings. The being didn't move.

"Vile creature!" Dennis hissed. "Turn the ray on."

When the creature hesitated to response, Dennis pulled out a small device and pressed a button. A blast of light escaped from the contraption and hit the figure in the chest, which screamed horribly.

And that was how Perry woke up, sweating and shaking, the scream still echoing in his ears. He had heard that scream before. But already his mind was paralyzed by fear and had started blocking any access to his memory of it.

_"I never thought that I would have to use an entirely different species to help me destroy it, one that I hate, but it is no matter."_

Perry didn't know much about Dennis, but he did know that Dennis had a hatred for dogs. Being a rabbit and all.

Perry's thoughts immediately went to Devon and Pinky.

"Please don't let it be one of _those_ dreams." Perry thought. "Please."

But he doubted that it wasn't.

* * *

Perry climbed in the middle of some kid's sandcastle.

The kid laughed. "Mommy, there's a big blue duck in my castle!"

"Mm hmm." Said the mother, not looking up from her magazine.

The kid patted Perry on the head. Perry purred.

Monogram came over and pulled Perry out from the sandcastle. "All right, Perry. That's enough. Why not go play in the water?"

He set Perry down by their beach towel and went to go find Molly. Monty sat near the towel, drawing something in the sand.

"Hey, Agent P." He said.

Perry smiled at him.

"I had this weird dream last night." Monty said. "This huge ray was being built, and… I don't know. It was just strange."

Perry looked out at the ocean. Something kept nagging at him. There was something wrong. And whatever it was, Monty had sensed it, too.

Perry started to write to Monty in the sand. He'd only gotten through one sentence on his dream when Monogram came over to them. He didn't look happy.

"Agent P, I have just been informed that you did NOT go on one of your missions a couple of days ago. I gave you the briefing. What happened?"

Perry tried to think. He remembered being told about some pocket-inator that he had never gone to check out… and he kind of remembered going home for a snack first… and then…

Perry blushed. He must have forgotten.

"Agent P, I am very disappointed." Monogram said. "Manfred had to fill in for you. Lucky he did, or all of the pockets in the tri-state area would have vanished."

"It's not such a big deal." Monty reassured Perry. "Forgetting one time."  
"Why can't you be as responsible as Manfred?" Monogram asked. "I'm sure he hasn't forgotten a single thing-" Monogram's cell phone started to ring. He pulled it out and answered it. "Hello?"  
Perry's eyes started to tear up. He quickly wiped them dry. Stupid Manfred. Why did Monogram have to compare them all the time?

Monty patted him.

"Yes, Carl, what is it… WHAT?!"

Perry and Monty looked up at Monogram in alarm, but he smiled at them as though nothing were wrong. His expression became concerned again as he continued to talk to Carl. "Well, do you know where they ARE? Cheese and crackers, Carl… NO! Do not tell them. Make up some excuse. Send something. I don't know. Don't you understand? This could bring down the agency! But how… how could he know? No. No, don't inform Agent P. He's almost completely recovered. I'm not going to place this stress on him. Assign someone else to the case."  
Perry started to get the sick feeling in his stomach again.

"We can't send an attack. We don't know where they are. Oh, why is this so hard… just distract the others so that they don't raise any suspicion. Do NOT let Agent P get wind of this, you understand? Do they have microchips? Can we track them down? …Well, I'm sorry! Look, I need to go. Hold everything down until I can get back." Monogram hung up and turned to Perry, who was staring at him with worried eyes.

"Don't be scared." Monogram said cheerfully. "Everything's fine."

Perry couldn't help being worried. He had a horrible feeling that Dennis had gotten what he wanted.

"Didn't sound like everything was fine." Monty said.

"Well, even if it wasn't, we can't do anything about it now." Monogram said. He sat down next to Perry. "Want me to get you anything from the snack bar?"

Perry nodded.

"I'll get you some ice cream." Monogram said.

_Get me that horrible rabbit who stole my comrades so I can punch him in the face._


	5. Chapter 5

"Now, what have you done THIS time…" Monogram said, looking at an email he had gotten.

Perry was sitting on the leather couch. He missed home. He had tried to text Phineas a couple of times, but Phineas had turned his phone off for some reason.

"In the past week," Monogram read. "You beat up Agent O, threw a tantrum in the main room, overturned a table in the food court and bit Agent Z."

"He deserved it." Perry muttered.

"Agent P, I understand you're having trouble." Monogram said. "But this behavior needs to stop."

Perry threw up on the floor.

Monogram sighed. "At least your fever's broken. Still, you probably shouldn't have been running around with Monty this morning. You need to take it easy."

"Everything I do is wrong." Perry whimpered.

"Perry." Monogram said gently. "You're my fa-" He broke off in his sentence as Carl's image appeared on the screen.

"Sir? There's another issue with the situation we talked about yesterday…"

"Quiet, Carl! Agent P's still in the room. Hang on." Monogram plugged headphones into his computer. "Agent P, why don't you go upstairs and watch something on the TV? There's hot chocolate powder in the cabinet and milk in the fridge. Just mix them together and heat it in the microwave."

Perry hesitated.

"Go on." Monogram shooed him. Perry slunk upstairs.

He stayed at the top, peeking around the corner of the wall.

"Oh, great. So they're going back and forth? Well, did you take the letter back?" Monogram was saying. "…Well, we can't let them keep doing this. What do you suggest? We either need to get rid of Dennis or them… and seeing as this isn't voluntary… ugh. What a mess. And I can't send him back, either. Not now that they OBVIOUSLY…" Monogram stopped and turned around. "Agent P, this doesn't concern you. Go."

Perry had a feeling that it DID concern him, but he obeyed. Monogram's words became fainter as he made his way to the cloth couch upstairs. "We can't do that while they're stuck with Dennis, Carl! If they appear to no longer know who he is, he'll just assume they're messing with him… if they die…"

Perry sat down in front of the television and turned it on.

"And now, Unicorn Princess Fairies." Said the TV. Little fairies in the shape of unicorns with tiaras on their heads were fluttering around.

"What do you know? They actually managed to take three harmless things and make a horribly frightening new species." Perry said.

Monty came in through the glass doors. "They finished construction. I guess dad will probably take you home when he finds out."  
Perry smiled. He missed the boys.

"Eew." Monty said, looking at the TV. "What are those things?"

Perry changed the channel. A car-chase scene started playing.

* * *

Perry snuck in through the back pet flap of his house.

Monogram had examined him in the afternoon and said it was still too risky to take him back home due to his illness.

Perry wrote him a note that he felt fine, but Monogram insisted he stay at the beach house.

"You may not feel sick, but you still are." He had said. "And it could get much worse. I need to monitor you for a few more days and make sure it doesn't."

Perry had sulked for the rest of the day. But once the whole Monogram family was asleep, he had walked back home, planning on returning before they woke up.

Perry slipped into Phineas and Ferb's room and quietly closed the door. He went over to Phineas and gently shook him awake.

Phineas sat up and blinked. "Perry? Perry!"

They hugged. Ferb got up and joined them.

"I'm sorry, I have to go back in a bit." Perry said. "I'm still not doing very well, according to Monogram."

"Aww, you're sick?" Phineas said. "That stinks."

"You look sick, too." Perry said. "You didn't catch anything again, did you?"

Phineas shook his head. "No… no."

"You both look pale."

"Just sleepy." Ferb said.

"Sorry, I couldn't come in the morning." Perry said.

"No, we're happy you came." Phineas said. "We missed you."

"What happened to your hands?" Perry asked.

Phineas looked down at his scraped palms. "I fell yesterday."

"He tripped over the curb. I don't know how he didn't see it." Ferb said.

"It doesn't hurt that bad." Phineas said, scratching his ear. "When are you coming back home for good?"

"I don't know." Perry said. "I'm guessing in another week. It's like I'm in exile from my own home, just because I went to dinner. What have you two been up to?"

Phineas yawned. "Building."

"Stuff." Ferb added.

"Fun." Perry said.

"How's the agency?" Phineas asked.

"I don't know. Haven't been there since I got sick. But apparently there's some huge thing going on with the rogues that Monogram doesn't want me to know about."  
Phineas looked worried. "Oh no. What are they doing now? Do you know?"

"I have no idea. But I've had this recurring dream about a giant ray."

"Ray…" Ferb repeated.

"What kind of ray?" Phineas asked.

"I don't know." Perry tried to remember his dream. "But… it was programmed… to…"

"To do what?" Phineas asked.

"I… I don't remember. It must have something to do with bringing down the agency, though. Maybe it destroys it."

"Like… a destruction ray?" Phineas thought. "Wait… did your dream ray have anything to do with numbers?"

"Why are we analyzing a dream ray?" Ferb said.

"Numbers… no. I don't remember any. But I suppose you'd need numbers to program one."  
"Obviously." Ferb said.

Perry looked at his watch. "I'm sorry, I have to get back. It's kind of a long walk, and I don't know whether or not Monogram's going to check on me."

"Stalk stalk." Ferb said.

"I wish you could stay home." Phineas said. "It feels safer when you're home."

"No giant monsters named Inatorkiller roam these parts." Perry said. "You two will be fine."

Phineas didn't look convinced.

Perry frowned. "Is something scaring you?"

"I just miss having you home." Phineas's voice wobbled. "I miss my pet."

"I miss you, too." Perry said. "And if my health didn't need to be monitored, you know I'd come running back."

Phineas nodded. "I'm being selfish. I'm sorry."

"Not at all." Perry hugged him, and then Ferb. "I'll come home as soon as I can."

"Tell us more about your dream if you think of anything." Phineas said. "Maybe we'll be able to tell you what the ray does."

* * *

Perry sat in the guestroom bed, playing online games with the boys.

The latest game the three of them were hooked on was called "Mammal Celebration".

Ferb's kitten was running around in Perry's dog's house, sitting in each neon beanbag chair.

"What are you doing?" Perry typed into the Mammal Celebration chatbox.

"Sitting." Came Ferb's response.

"Pick a chair, please? I can't sit down because your kitty keeps taking the chair I'm trying to let my dog sit in!"

"Then my plan is working."

Phineas's pet pig, Poore K. Choppe, signed on.

"You renamed your pig." Perry typed. "Who would name their pig Pork Chop? That's like naming your pet 'Dinner'."

"For your information, his name is Poore K. Choppe." Phineas responded. "And you should talk? Your dog is named Cakecake!"

"What do you mean 'I should talk'? It's not like I named him Pupperoni!"

"I'm renaming my kitten." Ferb typed.

"NOO!" Phineas said.

"But Ki10 is such an awesome name!" Perry added.

"TOO BAD." Ferb said.

Suddenly an announcement popped up: KI10, OWNED BY FERBULOUS, HAS BEEN RENAMED POODLEZILLA.

"That makes no sense." Perry typed. "It's a cat."

"Poodlezilla?" Phineas asked.

Ferb responded with a smiley face. Suddenly a lampshade fell on Poodlezilla's head. Poodlezilla ignored this and ran to the next beanbag chair.

"Why do you have so many beanbags in your house?" Phineas asked. "And Ferb, why does Poodlezilla have a lampshade on her head?"

"It's her hat."

Perry typed in a new name for his dog.

CAKECAKE, OWNED BY PERBEAR5, HAS BEEN RENAMED WORMSAREDELICOUS.

"EEW." Phineas typed. "PERRY."

"Less gross than your pig's name!" Perry said.

"Perry?" Monogram called through the door.

"Ack. Hang on." Perry typed. He closed his laptop.

Monogram peeked in. "Just checking on you. Do you need some more juice? Water? Want something to eat?"

Perry nodded.

"I'll bring you something." Monogram said. "Maybe you should stretch a little, walk around the house a bit. We don't want you to get stiff."

When he left, Perry reopened his laptop. Phineas and Ferb had obviously been doing some renaming during his absence, because notice after notice was popping up.

POORE K. CHOPPE, OWNED BY PHINBOY22, HAS BEEN RENAMED BLUBBLES. POODLEZILLA, OWNED BY FERBULOUS, HAS BEEN RENAMED BUBBLES. BLUBBLES, OWNED BY PHINBOY22, HAS BEEN RENAMED NOITSBLUBBLES.

"Guys, please name your pets something else." Perry typed.

BUBBLES, OWNED BY FERBULOUS, HAS BEEN RENAMED PHINEASCANTSPELL. NOITSBLUBBLES, OWNED BY PHINBOY22, HAS BEEN RENAMED FERBDOESNTAPPRECIATEMYGENIUS.

Perry shook his head.

"Perry!" Monogram called. "Come on up. I made you a sandwich and some juice."

"Gotta go, boys." Perry typed.

"NO!" Phineas responded. "Wait until we leave your house! Otherwise it makes creepy red letters appear on the screen that say PLAYDATE OVER."

"And it plays creepy music." Ferb added. "But then you go back in your house."

"All right. Talk to you soon."

Perry waited until Phineascantspell and Ferbdoesntappreciatemygenius left his house before he logged out. Then he got out of bed and made his way upstairs.

* * *

Perry lay by the glass doors and watched the rain. It was thundering loudly outside.

Molly was playing with dolls. She had placed a dollhouse on Perry's back and a shiny pink doll car by his side. The dolls were going to prom.

Or something. Perry wasn't really paying attention to her.

"Oh my gawsh, Gretel Ann. Isn't this like, the awesomest prom ever?" Molly said, making one of her dolls jump. "Yeah, Betty! So awesome!"

"You all right, Perry?" Monogram asked from the couch.

Perry looked over at him, then back at the window. He sighed, causing the dollhouse to fall over.

"OH NO!" Molly shrieked in Gretel Ann's voice. "MY HOUSE!"

"Come here." Monogram patted a spot next to him on the couch.

Perry padded over and jumped up.

Monogram stroked him. "I know you're homesick. I'm sorry. We'll get you home as soon as it's safe."

Perry laid his head in Monogram's lap and closed his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Perry jolted awake, back in the guestroom bed. He reached for his phone and dialed Ferb's number.

His latest dream had been about a unicorn. It hadn't seemed strange until the unicorn started talking about wires and binary code.

Maybe the unicorn had given him ray information for Ferb to analyze. If Perry's dreams were accurate, maybe he would be able to figure out what the rogues were planning.

"Hello?" Ferb said, sounding tired.

"Oh, sorry. Is it still night? I had another dream about the ray. Well, it wasn't about the ray, but… is Phineas crying in the background?"

"Yep."

"Gosh, is he okay?"

"His back hurts."

"That badly? What happened?"

"He fell."

"Where? Is Linda there? Can she help him?"

"I called her. She's coming. He'll be fine." Ferb's voice sounded strange, as though he didn't mean what he was saying. "What was your dream?"

"Uh… magnetic fuse box making an electronic disturbance, numbers are connected to animal microchips and then there's some blue wire that is connected to a system to recognize them. Ferb, are you SURE Phineas is okay?"

"Microchips…" Ferb breathed. "Okay, so if the rogues hooked up some central system that was programmed to recognize AND an electronic disturbance… that would mean…"

Ferb suddenly fell silent.

"Ferb? I know I didn't lose connection because I still hear Phineas. Ferb? What?"

"If someone were to re-wire it…" Ferb said, suddenly sounding more wide awake. "Phineas, if someone were to re-wire the navigating system and program it so that it doesn't…"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Phineas screamed, still sounding as though he were crying.

"Perry's dream ray." Ferb said. "I think I know what it does. Perry, the ray is supposed to zo-"

"Give the poor kid some relief." Perry said. "I used to use this cream on my back when it hurt. Is it still in the bathroom cabinet? I forget what it's called."

"The Backy-Boo Creamy-Woo? Yeah. I'll get it for him."  
"No wonder I forgot the name. It must have traumatized me and I blocked it from my memory. Should I come home?"

"Monogram will get mad." Ferb said.

"He didn't break his back, did he?"

Ferb hesitated before responding, probably trying to figure out whether Perry was talking about Phineas or Monogram. "I hope not."

"Try just feeling the vertebrae. Gently. You don't want to hurt him any worse. Make sure it's not detached."

Perry heard a soft thump, indicating that Ferb had put the phone down. He waited.  
About four minutes later, Ferb said, "No, he's fine."

"Good. I hear he's not crying anymore."

"The creamy stuff worked."

"What did he fall from?"

"He fell down the stairs."

"Did he trip?"  
"Yes. He was a little dizzy."

"Ouch. I hope he feels better. Make sure his shoelaces are tied."

"Mom's coming upstairs."

"Oh. Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

Perry shut off his phone and stared at the ceiling.

* * *

"I found a lot of cool shells down at the beach today." Monty said, handing Perry a couple of scallop shells. "You want some?"

Perry looked at them. He wasn't very sure what purpose they would serve him, but they were pretty.

He rolled over on the couch, twisting his body sideways.

"What's he doing?" Monogram looked up from his book.

"I think he's happy." Monty said.

"Well, good for him. He's been in such a funk lately." Monogram's phone rang, and he answered it. "Yes?"

Perry put the shells on the glass coffee table and gazed at them fondly.

"Carl, I already told you I was coming in to work today. No, Agent P is not. He still has to be monitored. Is everything okay? Have you heard any more on the situation? …I see. Well, I'll come in to brief Sergei. I'll see you in an hour and we can talk more about how to solve this." He hung up. "Monty, would you mind terribly…"

"I can watch him." Monty assured his father.

"Thank you. I'll see you two in the evening." Monogram stood up. "If he wants to go to the beach, go with him. Don't take him too far, though. It will tire him out."

"He seems fine, dad."

"I don't want to risk his health." Monogram went downstairs.

Perry pulled out his laptop from underneath the couch and checked his email.

The only new one was from Peter the panda. He opened it up and read it.

"Hi Perry, it's Peter! But I guess you know that since you know my email. Anyway, we miss you at the agency and we hope you feel better! It's so lonely here. Pinky and Devon are always off somewhere and Alan's been so busy lately. Did you hear the latest rumor? The rogues are back! Well, not like they attacked. But I heard that Dennis is building some huge ray that can blast the agency into smithereens! And he's doing it with the help of these creatures in cloaks. No one knows what they are, so they just call them Cloakies. One agent said that Dennis uses the Cloakies as lab rats, and another said he forces them to bake pie. I think the pie story sounds more legit. Oh, and by the way, don't forget to donate to the Panda Organization! They save giant pandas! They're going extinct, you know. Anyway, see ya!"

Perry sent a brief reply. "Thanks. Miss you guys too."

He stared at the ceiling for a moment, and then called Phineas.

"What?" Phineas answered.

"Goodness, aren't we cranky today? I got lonely."

"Sorry." Phineas mumbled. A clanking sound was audible. "Ferb, what's with those nails in the side? That's not gonna- all right, I trust you. Sorry, Perry. We're building something. What did you want again?"

"Just got lonely. If you don't want to talk-"

"No, I want to talk. Just-" Phineas sighed. "Ferb, this thing is heavy. Can you help me with it?"

"Can you hold the phone and build at the same time?"

"No. You're on speakerphone." Phineas's voice sounded farther away. "Ferb, take this stupid thing off of my hands. Thank you."

Ferb started to whistle "Row Row Row Your Boat".

"Perry, I have to call you back." Phineas said quickly.

"Sorry. I understand. It wasn't a good tim-"

There was a click before Perry even finished his sentence. Perry shrugged and stuck his phone back in his fur pocket.

Monogram came running upstairs. Perry closed his computer and looked at him curiously.

Monogram smiled at him, but there was panic in his eyes.

"Hey, dad." Monty said. "Weren't you just at work?"

"Yes, yes. I came home early. Don't be concerned. How did Agent P behave?"

"Fine."

"Good. He usually is very well behaved. Where's your mother again?"

"Down at the beach with Molly."

"Okay. I have to make a couple of calls to some of my security agents."

* * *

Perry stared up at the night sky. He hadn't ever really gotten many chances to stargaze in his life. He loved seeing all the stars twinkle.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Monogram said.

Perry and Monty nodded. Perry lay down and rested his head against Monogram's leg, still looking up at the stars.

After a few minutes, he closed his eyes.

Monogram seemed to think he was asleep. "Poor thing. Tired out."

"I'm glad you found him." Monty said.

"Me too. I don't know what the agency would do without him. He always has been my favorite, you know."

Perry smiled.

"Really? You've always been talking about how great Manfred is."

Monogram sighed. "Yes. But… you know, I like how Agent P doesn't just follow every order. He does what he thinks is right. Thinks for himself. I like that about him. Master of escaping from traps, too."

"Why did you come home early?" Monty asked. "You wouldn't come home early unless something was wrong."

Monogram hesitated.

"What happened?" Monty begged.

"Someone betrayed us." Monogram whispered. "Someone was feeding the rogues agency information."

"What kind of information?"

"Entrances, security systems, animal microchip identification numbers, everything. I don't understand it. Every single agent is completely loyal to the agency. Unless… oh dear. Perhaps Dennis told Agent P what was going on... and he asked him to..."

"I don't think it was him." Monty said. "Perry wouldn't do that."

"It's happened before. Dennis threatened him with his owners. Who's to say he won't do it again? I tried so hard to keep it-"

"Perry hasn't been at the agency for the past two weeks. Where would he get all of that information?"

"He has been sneaking out at night."

"Maybe he just went home." Monty said.

"I shouldn't be suspicious of him." Monogram said sadly. "He's completely loyal. I made certain that he had no knowledge of what was going on. He and Dennis are not in contact. Dennis is unaware of where he is. Perry is unaware of what Dennis is doing. Perry is innocent." Monogram sighed. "I didn't want to burden him with this. I took every precaution. Imagine how traumatizing it would be for him."

"What ARE you hiding from him?" Monty asked.

Monogram lowered his voice. "Dennis is forcing two members of his host family to help construct a ray that will most likely cause the agency to fall. We cannot help them. We don't know where they are, and have no way to track them."

Perry felt as though his breath had been knocked out of his body.

"How old are they?" Monty asked.

"Only about ten or eleven. Still kids."

Perry sat up shakily. His heart felt like it was being squeezed too tightly.

"Oh." Monogram said quietly. "Agent P, I'm so sorry… we thought you were asleep…"

Perry felt tears coming to his eyes.

"Don't cry." Monogram said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay."  
Nevertheless, Perry burst into tears.

"Calm down." Monogram said, patting Perry on the back. "Calm down. Shh."

Perry kept crying. He was completely humiliated, but he couldn't help it.

His boys had been in trouble this whole time, and he'd been completely oblivious to it. He hadn't even noticed.

"Hush." Monogram said. "It's okay. We'll fix this."

* * *

"I can't believe someone betrayed the agency AGAIN." Devon said. "I mean, are we THAT easy to attack?"

"They still haven't found us here." Pinky said. "And the security agents will come and help us soon."

"I don't want to stay in the storage closet ever again." Peter said. "EEK! I think I just touched Samantha the spider."

"EEK! Peter the panda just touched me." Shrieked Samantha.

"Who would do this?" Carrie asked. "Who would just give the rogues everything?"

"Who do you think?" Asked a voice.

All of the agents looked up. Standing on a shelf, smiling smugly down at them, was Manfred Freeny.


	7. Chapter 7

Monogram opened the O.W.C.A doors. The inside of the agency was completely dark.

"Come on." He whispered.

Perry, Monty, and a couple of security agents followed him inside.

"We need to search for any agents that were left behind after the attack. I doubt there will be any rogues here. Split up. If for any reason you get into trouble…"

"We send out a signal." Monty finished. "We'll be fine."

The five of them all went off in separate directions.

The agency looked terrible. Everything had either been smashed or vandalized. A light bulb was dangling from a hole in the ceiling.

Perry looked around for a niche where an agent might hide. All of the potential hiding places he found were empty.

He made his way to the storage closet and flung it open.

Also empty. And a mess.

"So you decided to come back."

Perry whirled around.

Manfred was smiling at him.

"I can't find the other agents." Perry said. Manfred was the last creature he wanted to see right now.

"They aren't here." Manfred said.

"So they got away?"

"Some of them did." Manfred said. "Others, no."

Perry stared at him. "Then why are you smiling?"

Then it hit him.

"You. You betrayed the agency."

Manfred only smiled more.

"Why?"

Manfred shrugged. "I don't know. The rogues just seem to have the right idea. Being evil- it's a whole lot more fun."

"WHERE are the other agents, Manfred?" Perry growled.

"That's the other thing." Manfred said. "I'm not Manfred. I doubt you and Manfred have ever met, since I was the one who was introduced to you. My brother is Manfred Freeny. I have no idea what Dennis did with him, but frankly, I don't care. Me? I'm Morris Freeny."

Perry didn't know what to say.

Morris threw a punch, and Perry ducked. He grabbed Morris around the legs and pulled him down.

"Two words. My. Owners." Perry jabbed Morris in the side with his foot.

Morris choked. "Yes. Interesting kids. Dennis did nothing to hurt them, if that's what you're worried about. One of them fell down the stairs while trying to lift a pipe. That's all the harm I've seen."

Morris suddenly jumped up and threw a punch at him.

Perry dodged him. "Why did you act like you were the nicest thing in the world? I was instantly suspicious of you from the moment you opened your mouth and cupcakes fell out."

"My cover." Morris explained sweetly, attempting to throw another punch. "Besides, it was fun to see the look on your face when Monogram told me how awesome I was."

Perry grasped Morris around the neck and held him against the wall. "Where. Are. They."

"Who?" Morris croaked.

"My owners."

Morris smiled weakly. "You don't scare me."

Perry tightened his grip.

"Danville Warehouse." Morris squeaked.

Perry nodded. "You know I'll have to tell Monogram."

Morris reached into his pocket.

Before Perry had time to react, he felt a sharp pinch. He looked down to see a hypodermic needle stuck in his arm.

Perry fell back, his whole body stinging.

"Too late!" Morris said. He ran for the exit. "I have a thirty-second head start!"

Perry forced his tingling arm to move. It felt like he was underwater, with another creature pushing against his arm.

He closed his fist around the needle and pulled it out. It didn't help. He was still immobilized.

A few seconds later, he felt his body return to normal. He jumped up and ran in the direction Morris had.

* * *

Perry broke open the first door he saw in the hall of Danville Warehouse.

Ten agents all turned and looked at him.

"About time." Said Kyle the kangaroo.

"Freedom!" Peter the panda said.

Perry was nearly trampled underfoot as the agents rushed for the front door. Only one agent stayed behind.

"Perry, right?" Asked an animal that kind of looked like Morris.

"Yep." Perry said. "Manfred?"

Manfred nodded.

"How long have you been there?"

"A couple of months. I can't believe no one noticed. Am I THAT invisible?"

"You're brother's been posing as you."

Manfred clenched his fists. "That dirty rat."

"Speaking of rats, what animal are you?"

"A mink. You?"

"Platypus."

"Never heard of one."

"Shame on you." Perry started to walk further down the hall.

"Door's the other way." Manfred said.

"The rogues are building a ray. I have to stop them."

"Brave." Manfred mumbled. He headed in the other direction.

Perry followed the sound of what he believed to be Dennis's voice.

* * *

Perry proved to be right.

Dennis stood with his back to the entrance of a huge chamber, wearing a dark cloak. In the middle of it sat a gigantic ray tall enough to touch the ceiling.

"Put the last piece on." Dennis said.

"No."

Perry was both relieved and terrified to hear Phineas's voice. He wanted to strangle Dennis right there on the spot, but decided it would be better to wait.

"Stubborn." Dennis hissed. "May I remind you of our terms?"

He strode over to a tall platform that rose as high as the ray and began to climb it. "You build what I can't, and your adorable little pet duck-hybrid thing doesn't get hurt. You refuse, I promise you he will suffer a slow and painful death."

Perry saw Phineas come out from behind the ray, wearing a thick cloak that resembled Dennis's. Phineas placed a small red button on the side of the ray.

"Good." Dennis said, smiling. "Now, activate it."

"You don't know what you're doing!" Phineas shouted.

"And neither do you." Dennis said. "Turn it on. Or do you want me to have to discipline you again?"

Phineas drew back from the ray, hunched over like an abused dog.

Perry stepped forward. "Dennis. Leave him alone."

Dennis nearly fell from the platform in shock. Ferb peeked out fondly from behind the ray.

Phineas looked scared. "Perry! Don't let him hurt you!"

Dennis shook his head and glared at Perry. "Well. It's nice to see that you finally showed up to witness your downfall."

"They're KIDS, Dennis. How could you treat them like this?"

"Humans." Dennis spat at the ground. It took a little while to land due to the height he was at. "Disgusting creatures. Live with their parents for years. At the age of one, we animals were able to live on our own."

"Get down here." Perry snarled. "NOW."

"At last, the O.W.C.A will fall!" Dennis said. "I never thought that I would have to use an entirely different species to help me destroy it, one that I hate, but it is no matter." He gazed fondly at the ray. "Incredible, isn't it? It took all the energy its creators had. It took a lot of toil on us rogues. But at last, it is complete. I built certain parts of it myself, keeping them a secret from the children, of course, and instructed them on what to build and piece together. I knew what I was building. They didn't. In this way, I knew they wouldn't rewire anything or try to change the ray's purpose."

"I'm going to KILL you!" Perry shouted.

Dennis only smiled. "The ray will get you first. It has been programmed that way."

"What?!" Phineas cried. "You promised you wouldn't hurt Perry!"

"Oh, it doesn't hurt." Dennis said sweetly. "It's very quick and painless. It homes in on every agent's microchip, you see. Courtesy of Morris Freeny, a fellow rogue. I need to remember to thank him for getting those numbers. It sends a virus into the microchip's electronic system that kills the agent immediately. The ray also infiltrates the O.W.C.A's computers and memory storage, resulting in thousands of files being deleted. Thus, the agency, and all of its agents, will be no more. Since the ray can also be fatal to those standing close, I have created these ray-proof cloaks that will protect us once it is turned on. See, Perry? I am thinking for the well-being of your owners. They have cloaks, too. Now, redhead. Turn the ray on."

Dennis pointed at Phineas. Phineas didn't move.

"Vile creature!" Dennis hissed. "Turn the ray on."

Phineas shook his head furiously. "No."

Dennis pulled out a small device and pressed a button. A blast of light escaped from the contraption and hit Phineas in the chest. With a horrible scream, Phineas fell to the ground.

"NO!" Perry shouted. He ran toward Phineas.

Dennis rolled his eyes. "Don't panic. It's just a little electric shock. Set one notch below the killing point. He just won't be getting up and dancing around for a little while, that's all."

Perry tried to pull Phineas to his feet.

"You." Dennis pointed at Ferb. "Switch it on, or I'll zap your brother again. No mercy this time."

Without any hesitation, Ferb flipped the switch. Dennis smiled.

"Pretend to die." Ferb whispered.

"I won't have to pretend in a second." Perry said.

"It's a diversion. I figured out how to rewire the machine thanks to the information you got in your dream. The ray doesn't work at all. But Dennis doesn't know that."

Perry processed this.

He fell to the ground, gasping. Dennis laughed.

Perry shut his eyes and lay limp.

"At long last." Dennis said. "My worst enemy, gone. Who knew all it would take was a mere ray?"

Perry waited until he heard Dennis approach him. Then he pounced.

Dennis was too surprised to avoid the attack. Perry slammed him against the wall.

"But…" Dennis sputtered. "I don't understand… why… why didn't it work?"

"Guess." Ferb said.

Dennis's eyes narrowed. "You vicious… little…"

Perry bit him. Dennis kicked him hard. Perry fell backwards and curled up, trying hard not to scream.

He knew if Dennis reached Ferb, it would be the end. Dennis was ten times as strong and as fast as a normal O.W.C.A agent, due to zapping himself with a strength and agility ray. Perry forced himself to get up and jumped, clutching Dennis around the neck.

Ferb grabbed Dennis's foot and held on tightly.

Phineas sat up slowly and blinked. Perry kind of felt bad for him, having to wake up to the strange sight of his pet and brother holding on to an evil bunny, who was spinning in an attempt to throw them off.

Dennis managed to pull Perry off. Perry jabbed Dennis in the stomach.

"Ferb, get off." Perry said, barely dodging a punch that was aimed at his eye. "Help Phineas."

Dennis grabbed Perry's arm with amazing speed and twisted it. Dennis then kicked him with a powerful back foot. Perry was on the ground again, sweat dripping down his face.

And Manfred took over. Perry could kind of see the fight through the water forming in his eyes. Surprisingly, Manfred seemed to be winning.

Everything else soon became a blur. Perry only saw Phineas and Ferb for a second, as Ferb helped Phineas stand up. He barely saw Monty struggle to put Dennis in a pet carrier.

Monogram had scooped him up and was talking to him, but Perry couldn't hear what he was saying.

He did, however, feel a hand close around his foot and hold on. Ferb's hand.


	8. Chapter 8

"Is he okay?" Phineas asked.

"He'll be fine." Monogram said. "He's very bruised, but he's fine."

Perry lay in Monogram's lap. Monogram was sitting on his couch, with Phineas and Ferb on either side of him, bandaging Perry's wounds.

"His arm looks bad." Phineas said.

"I know. We already scanned it with an x-ray device. I'm going to have to set it." Monogram said. "Are you boys all right?"

"Fine." Ferb said.

"Me too." Phineas said. "Even though I'm still kind of tingly."

"Drink lots of water." Monogram advised.

Phineas frowned. "I don't wanna spend all day in the bathroom!"

Ferb stroked Perry's head, and Perry purred. His arm was throbbing and everything else hurt, but his boys were safe.

"This will hurt a little." Monogram warned. He snapped Perry's arm back into position.

Perry yelped.

"All done." Monogram said cheerfully. He wrapped Perry's arm up in a bandage.

"How long will he have to wear that?" Phineas asked.

"A few weeks." Monogram answered. "Dennis is incredibly powerful. But Carl is working on wiping his memory. Perhaps we can find him a loving home."

"You'll have to weaken him first." Ferb said. "What if he stomps his foot and it goes through the floor?"

"Good point." Monogram said. "All right, Agent P. You're good to go." He set Perry down on the floor. "Can you walk?"

Perry nodded.

"All right. Well, I suppose we'll have to…" Monogram stopped.

"Please don't take Perry away." Phineas blurted. "We'll keep his secret. We swear!"

"We love him so much." Ferb said.

Monogram shook his head. "It isn't safe."

"Please." Phineas begged. "We've had him forever."

Monogram looked down at Perry. Perry bit his lip.

_Please._ He thought. _Please just let us stay together._

Monogram sighed. "You can't tell your parents. Not your sister, either. And no friends can know."

"We know." Phineas said. "We won't tell ANYONE."

"Not a single person." Ferb said.

"He'll keep quiet for sure." Phineas said.

Monogram sighed again. "This is a big risk."

"We know." Phineas said softly. "But we love each other. Please."

After a moment, Monogram stood up. "All right. I'll drive you three home. Come on."

"YES!" Phineas shouted, jumping in the air.

"Lookit you. And Dennis said you couldn't jump around." Perry said with a smile.

"Air hug!" Phineas said, pretending to give Perry a hug. Ferb did the same.

"Smart choice. Promise you'll give me a real hug the instant I stop hurting." Perry said.

Phineas beamed at him.

The three of them followed Monogram downstairs.


End file.
